Comments on: Family: The Most Important Thing In The World http://www.parental-power.com/2008/03/08/family-the-most-important-thing-in-the-world/ Balancing Control With Maturity Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:12:30 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: Dr. Paul http://www.parental-power.com/2008/03/08/family-the-most-important-thing-in-the-world/#comment-12 Dr. Paul Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:20:37 +0000 http://parentalpower.wordpress.com/?p=18#comment-12 I think one of the real keys here is to detach yourself from the outcomes. You want the room to be cleaned, but even more you want your children to learn responsibility - it's not even about the room. When I made the comment about being OK with either choice, that comes from a perspective that I can accomplish my top objectives either way. If my child chooses not to do what I've asked (and incidentally I think it borders on being abusive to not ask your children to do things that are right and reasonable) then I will be ready with an appropriate consequence to honor that choice. The idea is to shift the "investment" in the outcome to the child. There is an important difference in teaching your child to work so that THEIR life will be better versus teaching your child to work so that YOUR life will be better. The poetic justice to this whole thing is that your life will be better when your child's life improves just because of your love for them and desire for their happiness. I think one of the real keys here is to detach yourself from the outcomes. You want the room to be cleaned, but even more you want your children to learn responsibility - it’s not even about the room. When I made the comment about being OK with either choice, that comes from a perspective that I can accomplish my top objectives either way. If my child chooses not to do what I’ve asked (and incidentally I think it borders on being abusive to not ask your children to do things that are right and reasonable) then I will be ready with an appropriate consequence to honor that choice. The idea is to shift the “investment” in the outcome to the child. There is an important difference in teaching your child to work so that THEIR life will be better versus teaching your child to work so that YOUR life will be better. The poetic justice to this whole thing is that your life will be better when your child’s life improves just because of your love for them and desire for their happiness.

]]> By: Jennifer Moore http://www.parental-power.com/2008/03/08/family-the-most-important-thing-in-the-world/#comment-11 Jennifer Moore Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:14:33 +0000 http://parentalpower.wordpress.com/?p=18#comment-11 I have a question about no expectations. I've heard this before and thought, "That's probably the most important thing I can change." that said, I'm still not sure I know how to do it. For example on today's call (Mar 12) Paul said something like, "It's ok with me if you clean your room, or don't." And I'm still thinking it's not ok with me if you don't. I'm reading the Parenting Breakthrough by Merrilee Boyack and I'm learning how important it is to teach my children to learn to work, which is another thing I've failed at to this point. So...I'm trying to reconcile these 2 ideas. How do I do both have no expectations and teach my children to work? I have a feeling the answer is going to skyrocket my ability in parenthood because if I can get this what else will be left? I have a question about no expectations. I’ve heard this before and thought, “That’s probably the most important thing I can change.” that said, I’m still not sure I know how to do it.

For example on today’s call (Mar 12) Paul said something like, “It’s ok with me if you clean your room, or don’t.” And I’m still thinking it’s not ok with me if you don’t.

I’m reading the Parenting Breakthrough by Merrilee Boyack and I’m learning how important it is to teach my children to learn to work, which is another thing I’ve failed at to this point. So…I’m trying to reconcile these 2 ideas. How do I do both have no expectations and teach my children to work? I have a feeling the answer is going to skyrocket my ability in parenthood because if I can get this what else will be left?

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