Discipline From The Top Down
Dec 30th, 2008 by Dr. Paul
As we understand the three stages (from the CD) we can more effectively set up learning experiences for our kids from the top down. In this call we cover several specific ideas for effective consequences, and the importance of a positive approach. Please share your ideas with our community of parents who are doing the most important job in the world.
Well, since I’m taking advantage of the holiday free time…I will attempt to address some of this. Perhaps because the feeling in my upbringing was so unbalanced with negativity, I tried with every fiber of my being to figure out how to change that for my children. Blame is a waste of time as one could go on for generations back as to why and who started it. I simply decided that every situation and person I deal with in life is a challenge and test for me to see how I handle it. As an actress I have noticed similarities between the thousands of decisions I must make in a short analysis of script and co-actors as I’m performing to please a director, and the way I would see myself in any daily activity if viewed through a large..ha ha.. lens! I have to constantly assess my thoughts, attitude, word usage, and vocal tone to create a certain feeling around me. I call it music. For the movie called “family interaction” I have to be concerned with how much negative music I am allowing out of my mouth and face. ( if you don’t like ugly wrinkles early in life, then don’t scowl so much). Each child and each situation is given to me as a test of adaption…. I can’t be lazy. I have to pray. I have to listen. I am responsible for exaggerating the problem. I am responsible for how I view myself (pms included). I am responsible for educating myself on the people in my life. Could I pick out a gift that they would like without asking them “What do you want?” People want to be understood and accepted even if their preferances are different from mine…I can enjoy that! It’s fun! And suddenly, those unique, different, constantly changing kids actually want to listen to me and take my advice, or at least form an acceptable compromise. My example is no longer boring or stupid….because love is behind it. Amazingly enough, punishment is rare and if necessary, acceptable and agreed upon by the child. They know they are responsible for the problem they created because they see me admitting my faults and eliminating pride. It is never a perfectly sincronized dance…this child rearing thing. But the positive will be predominant, and the joy will be felt daily. The word Discipline does not , nor has it ever meant “punishment”. Discipline comes from the word desciple…or in essence…”to follow”. We have got to ask ourselves more often “What is the best internal motivation for getting someone to follow?” rather than, “Which punishment should I use?”. The former will lead parents to positive conclusions and happy music; the latter will lead to rash conclusions, unrestricted tempers, and rebellion. When a child is small they need to view us solving problems constructively and honestly. Then they will follow suit as life gets more complex. I don’t have time or space for the many different expressions we can use verbally to change the tone of discipline, but I am sure this segment will cover alot of that. The main thing is that the parent has to really love the idea of changing scripts and negative patterns out of love for their family members.
I am unable to understand this post. But well some points are useful for me.