Blending Families Part 2
Nov 21st, 2009 by Dr. Paul
In part 1 of this podcast we talked about how blended families come about when new “worlds” are created through death or divorce. This changes the context of parenting, primarily through the perception of an “escape hatch” which can be used by either the parents or the children.
Parents are equally yoked in pulling the family wagon. While roles may vary as they do in any family, when it comes to the governing of the family, both parents have an important place. Some attempt to resolve conflicts by having a “your kids” and “my kids” discipline strategy. This can lead to divisiveness in the home. Parental unity in the discipline and sharing of disciplinary tasks can help to stabilize the blended family.
Focus more on “what’s right” rather than “who’s right” or trying to compensate for lost opportunities or past issues. Keep those lines of communication open. Have open discussions, guided by a coach if helpful, to explore new approaches that you can both feel good about. Be tolerant and understanding about how hard it is to change.
Remember the three rules for control battles
1. Avoid them
2. Win them
3. You pick the issues
In a multi-household family, acknowledge that the children’s world includes elements that are not part of the parent’s world. Don’t insist on controlling things that you just can’t control.
Blended families are created when new “worlds” are created through death or divorce. Discipline works best when parents are unified, and through an acknowledgement of what you control and what you don’t.
