Comments for Parental Power http://www.parental-power.com Balancing Control With Maturity Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:56:39 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 Comment on Taking Care of the Home Team by Jenn http://www.parental-power.com/2009/01/06/taking-care-of-the-home-team/#comment-272 Jenn Tue, 06 Jan 2009 19:56:58 +0000 http://www.parental-power.com/?p=327#comment-272 I'm becoming a an even bigger advocate of self-care the more I experience and the more I learn. In fact, I talked to a friend the other day whose husband has cancer and will be dying within the next five years. She knows the importance of self-care. She shared with me how over the holidays as she got off her routine of exercise and eating well she immediately spiraled into "doom and gloom thinking." But, when she's taking care of herself doing all of her "dailies" (those daily activities including prayer, meditation, spiritual study, healthy eating and exercise) than she's able to function and handle all that is required. She's a great example to me. I’m becoming a an even bigger advocate of self-care the more I experience and the more I learn. In fact, I talked to a friend the other day whose husband has cancer and will be dying within the next five years. She knows the importance of self-care. She shared with me how over the holidays as she got off her routine of exercise and eating well she immediately spiraled into “doom and gloom thinking.” But, when she’s taking care of herself doing all of her “dailies” (those daily activities including prayer, meditation, spiritual study, healthy eating and exercise) than she’s able to function and handle all that is required. She’s a great example to me.

]]> Comment on Discipline From The Top Down by Angella http://www.parental-power.com/2008/12/30/discipline-from-the-top-down/#comment-270 Angella Fri, 02 Jan 2009 04:44:57 +0000 http://www.parental-power.com/?p=322#comment-270 Well, since I'm taking advantage of the holiday free time...I will attempt to address some of this. Perhaps because the feeling in my upbringing was so unbalanced with negativity, I tried with every fiber of my being to figure out how to change that for my children. Blame is a waste of time as one could go on for generations back as to why and who started it. I simply decided that every situation and person I deal with in life is a challenge and test for me to see how I handle it. As an actress I have noticed similarities between the thousands of decisions I must make in a short analysis of script and co-actors as I'm performing to please a director, and the way I would see myself in any daily activity if viewed through a large..ha ha.. lens! I have to constantly assess my thoughts, attitude, word usage, and vocal tone to create a certain feeling around me. I call it music. For the movie called "family interaction" I have to be concerned with how much negative music I am allowing out of my mouth and face. ( if you don't like ugly wrinkles early in life, then don't scowl so much). Each child and each situation is given to me as a test of adaption.... I can't be lazy. I have to pray. I have to listen. I am responsible for exaggerating the problem. I am responsible for how I view myself (pms included). I am responsible for educating myself on the people in my life. Could I pick out a gift that they would like without asking them "What do you want?" People want to be understood and accepted even if their preferances are different from mine...I can enjoy that! It's fun! And suddenly, those unique, different, constantly changing kids actually want to listen to me and take my advice, or at least form an acceptable compromise. My example is no longer boring or stupid....because love is behind it. Amazingly enough, punishment is rare and if necessary, acceptable and agreed upon by the child. They know they are responsible for the problem they created because they see me admitting my faults and eliminating pride. It is never a perfectly sincronized dance...this child rearing thing. But the positive will be predominant, and the joy will be felt daily. The word Discipline does not , nor has it ever meant "punishment". Discipline comes from the word desciple...or in essence..."to follow". We have got to ask ourselves more often "What is the best internal motivation for getting someone to follow?" rather than, "Which punishment should I use?". The former will lead parents to positive conclusions and happy music; the latter will lead to rash conclusions, unrestricted tempers, and rebellion. When a child is small they need to view us solving problems constructively and honestly. Then they will follow suit as life gets more complex. I don't have time or space for the many different expressions we can use verbally to change the tone of discipline, but I am sure this segment will cover alot of that. The main thing is that the parent has to really love the idea of changing scripts and negative patterns out of love for their family members. Well, since I’m taking advantage of the holiday free time…I will attempt to address some of this. Perhaps because the feeling in my upbringing was so unbalanced with negativity, I tried with every fiber of my being to figure out how to change that for my children. Blame is a waste of time as one could go on for generations back as to why and who started it. I simply decided that every situation and person I deal with in life is a challenge and test for me to see how I handle it. As an actress I have noticed similarities between the thousands of decisions I must make in a short analysis of script and co-actors as I’m performing to please a director, and the way I would see myself in any daily activity if viewed through a large..ha ha.. lens! I have to constantly assess my thoughts, attitude, word usage, and vocal tone to create a certain feeling around me. I call it music. For the movie called “family interaction” I have to be concerned with how much negative music I am allowing out of my mouth and face. ( if you don’t like ugly wrinkles early in life, then don’t scowl so much). Each child and each situation is given to me as a test of adaption…. I can’t be lazy. I have to pray. I have to listen. I am responsible for exaggerating the problem. I am responsible for how I view myself (pms included). I am responsible for educating myself on the people in my life. Could I pick out a gift that they would like without asking them “What do you want?” People want to be understood and accepted even if their preferances are different from mine…I can enjoy that! It’s fun! And suddenly, those unique, different, constantly changing kids actually want to listen to me and take my advice, or at least form an acceptable compromise. My example is no longer boring or stupid….because love is behind it. Amazingly enough, punishment is rare and if necessary, acceptable and agreed upon by the child. They know they are responsible for the problem they created because they see me admitting my faults and eliminating pride. It is never a perfectly sincronized dance…this child rearing thing. But the positive will be predominant, and the joy will be felt daily. The word Discipline does not , nor has it ever meant “punishment”. Discipline comes from the word desciple…or in essence…”to follow”. We have got to ask ourselves more often “What is the best internal motivation for getting someone to follow?” rather than, “Which punishment should I use?”. The former will lead parents to positive conclusions and happy music; the latter will lead to rash conclusions, unrestricted tempers, and rebellion. When a child is small they need to view us solving problems constructively and honestly. Then they will follow suit as life gets more complex. I don’t have time or space for the many different expressions we can use verbally to change the tone of discipline, but I am sure this segment will cover alot of that. The main thing is that the parent has to really love the idea of changing scripts and negative patterns out of love for their family members.

]]> Comment on Sit Up Straight by Angella http://www.parental-power.com/2008/12/23/sit-up-straight/#comment-267 Angella Wed, 24 Dec 2008 16:40:29 +0000 http://www.parental-power.com/?p=319#comment-267 I believe that in the quest for the nebulous and variably defineable "PERFECTION", we often run around worried that everyone around us sees us as imperfect and unvalueable people...just like we constantly tell ourselves. So we have to prove our worth by making sure our kids behave a certain way in public so that everyone will at least believe we are good parents...which translates, of course, into us being good people. Our personal self talk and displacement of that talk onto children actually creates the very rebellion and mistrust we thought we were hoping to hide from the world. Our children simply don't want to put on a show for us to hide behind. They may not understand it or vocalize it, but something about mom and dad's constipated -pick-it-apart mentality is in discord with how they behave themselves! How many ecclesiatical leaders have had to take their kids to alcohol or drug rehab because ...in many cases... love was replaced with image. Some kids will test everything anyway...yes, but self honesty and admittance of humaness will endear a child much more readily. And that is when teaching and learning are most acceptable between adults and children. Humor is a must! Oh doesn't this sound so profound? ha ha angella I believe that in the quest for the nebulous and variably defineable
“PERFECTION”, we often run around worried that everyone around us sees us as imperfect and unvalueable people…just like we constantly tell ourselves. So we have to prove our worth by making sure our kids behave a certain way in public so that everyone will at least believe we are good parents…which translates, of course, into us being good people. Our personal self talk and displacement of that talk onto children actually creates the very rebellion and mistrust we thought we were hoping to hide from the world. Our children simply don’t want to put on a show for us to hide behind. They may not understand it or vocalize it, but something about mom and dad’s constipated -pick-it-apart mentality is in discord with how they behave themselves! How many ecclesiatical leaders have had to take their kids to alcohol or drug rehab because …in many cases… love was replaced with image. Some kids will test everything anyway…yes, but self honesty and admittance of humaness will endear a child much more readily. And that is when teaching and learning are most acceptable between adults and children. Humor is a must! Oh doesn’t this sound so profound? ha ha

angella

]]> Comment on Sit Up Straight by Jeni http://www.parental-power.com/2008/12/23/sit-up-straight/#comment-266 Jeni Tue, 23 Dec 2008 21:31:02 +0000 http://www.parental-power.com/?p=319#comment-266 Gotta comment on this one. Couple years ago, we were in Cali with family and my niece, 16 and beautiful, let out this huge, very unlady-like belch. Her dad, my brother, got this stern look on his face and Accentuating every word, said, "Shannon!! What did I tell you about burping??!!" The room got tense for a total of about 2 seconds, when he said, "Always PROJECT them...it makes them louder!" Everyone busted up laughing, and I was for about the millionth time, very proud of my brother, and what a cool dad he was. His words affected me more than he'll know. Many times, with 2 young, loud, active boys, my house sounds like the 33rd battalion has just invaded. When I'm at my wit's end, I find myself yelling at the top of my lungs, "HEY!!!" But then as all is still for a moment are two, and my boys wait for me to launch into my own warpath, I think, "Are these happy noises? Are they really 'misbehaving" or are they just being boys?" And then my brother's words, creep in. I find myself looking down at my waiting boys, and saying something like, "Carry on, soldiers." So, yeah. Maybe if I can just do this more often, my brother will have some competition on being the "cool parent!" :) Gotta comment on this one. Couple years ago, we were in Cali with family and my niece, 16 and beautiful, let out this huge, very unlady-like belch. Her dad, my brother, got this stern look on his face and Accentuating every word, said, “Shannon!! What did I tell you about burping??!!”

The room got tense for a total of about 2 seconds, when he said, “Always PROJECT them…it makes them louder!” Everyone busted up laughing, and I was for about the millionth time, very proud of my brother, and what a cool dad he was.

His words affected me more than he’ll know. Many times, with 2 young, loud, active boys, my house sounds like the 33rd battalion has just invaded. When I’m at my wit’s end, I find myself yelling at the top of my lungs, “HEY!!!” But then as all is still for a moment are two, and my boys wait for me to launch into my own warpath, I think, “Are these happy noises? Are they really ‘misbehaving” or are they just being boys?” And then my brother’s words, creep in. I find myself looking down at my waiting boys, and saying something like, “Carry on, soldiers.”

So, yeah. Maybe if I can just do this more often, my brother will have some competition on being the “cool parent!” :)

]]> Comment on The Gratitude Attitude by The Gratitude Channel « M-Power http://www.parental-power.com/2008/11/25/the-gratitude-attitude/#comment-225 The Gratitude Channel « M-Power Wed, 26 Nov 2008 15:14:44 +0000 http://www.parental-power.com/?p=302#comment-225 [...] also our Parental Power discussion on this [...] [...] also our Parental Power discussion on this [...]

]]> Comment on Discipline 101 - The Plus and the Minus by Angella Joy http://www.parental-power.com/2008/11/18/discipline-101-the-plus-and-the-minus/#comment-204 Angella Joy Tue, 18 Nov 2008 22:34:01 +0000 http://www.parental-power.com/?p=297#comment-204 I think every parent should be thrilled when they have a toddler. It is such a fun age and so full of adventure. A mom can loose all of her extra baby weight just chasing these exploratory powerhouses around their new world. I often tried to see through their eyes and it helped me reappreciate the little things again. Some moms complain about being "dumbed down" or loosing intellectual capacity from these years, but I believe it makes us more mature, more appreciative, and more aware... in touch. I am often sickened to tears when I hear of this age group being prime for abuse by their caregivers. Parents who see toddlers as a nuisance are too immature to grow with their babies...so they lash out at the inconvenience of the changes and new emotions children are experiencing at this age. Yes, It can be exhausting, but those unconditional hugs and kisses and little crayon drawings are so worth it! I have to comment on the overuse punishments... it is lazy. Discipline is not equal to nor is it defined as punishment. Discipline comes from the word "deciple" which means to follow. How we get our children to follow requires creativity, patience, and controlled actions, not reactions. when kids are punished for everything to make the parent feel better, or in control, the child most often becomes spoiled... yes spoiled, and demands more of others by punishing them himself to get what he wants. It's a vicious cycle. I think every parent should be thrilled when they have a toddler. It is such a fun age and so full of adventure. A mom can loose all of her extra baby weight just chasing these exploratory powerhouses around their new world. I often tried to see through their eyes and it helped me reappreciate the little things again. Some moms complain about being “dumbed down” or loosing intellectual capacity from these years, but I believe it makes us more mature, more appreciative, and more aware… in touch. I am often sickened to tears when I hear of this age group being prime for abuse by their caregivers. Parents who see toddlers as a nuisance are too immature to grow with their babies…so they lash out at the inconvenience of the changes and new emotions children are experiencing at this age. Yes, It can be exhausting, but those unconditional hugs and kisses and little crayon drawings are so worth it! I have to comment on the overuse punishments… it is lazy. Discipline is not equal to nor is it defined as punishment. Discipline comes from the word “deciple” which means to follow. How we get our children to follow requires creativity, patience, and controlled actions, not reactions. when kids are punished for everything to make the parent feel better, or in control, the child most often becomes spoiled… yes spoiled, and demands more of others by punishing them himself to get what he wants. It’s a vicious cycle.

]]> Comment on About Dr. Paul by An honor to be a guest at Extraordinary Mommy http://www.parental-power.com/about-2/#comment-201 An honor to be a guest at Extraordinary Mommy Fri, 14 Nov 2008 03:58:04 +0000 http://www.parental-power.com/?page_id=6#comment-201 [...] I first starting blogging, this very kind husband and father and life coach was very encouraging.  He regularly commented on my posts and seemed to feel as I do about [...] [...] I first starting blogging, this very kind husband and father and life coach was very encouraging.  He regularly commented on my posts and seemed to feel as I do about [...]

]]> Comment on Technology: Friend or Foe? by Amaris http://www.parental-power.com/2008/03/25/technology-friend-or-foe/#comment-198 Amaris Tue, 11 Nov 2008 10:02:03 +0000 http://parentalpower.wordpress.com/?p=24#comment-198 Keep up the good work. Keep up the good work.

]]> Comment on Protect The Relationship by Amanda http://www.parental-power.com/2008/10/28/protect-the-relationship/#comment-175 Amanda Tue, 28 Oct 2008 20:34:47 +0000 http://www.parental-power.com/?p=283#comment-175 Really wonderful call today! I'm busy with 5 kids ages 16 - 1... there are many hats I wear throughout the day and that is difficult! I am going to dedicate myself to protecting the relationship. Thanks Dr. Paul! Really wonderful call today! I’m busy with 5 kids ages 16 - 1… there are many hats I wear throughout the day and that is difficult! I am going to dedicate myself to protecting the relationship. Thanks Dr. Paul!

]]> Comment on Bedwetting - “The potty-cast” by Sarah Larson http://www.parental-power.com/2008/09/22/bedwetting-the-potty-cast/#comment-172 Sarah Larson Wed, 22 Oct 2008 18:39:53 +0000 http://www.parental-power.com/?p=256#comment-172 Has the e-book been published? I am very interested in your treatment plan. Thank you! Has the e-book been published? I am very interested in your treatment plan.
Thank you!

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